Well today I had to pop along to the hospital for to give a sample and find out whether the vasectomy has been a success. The past few days I have been a little apprehensive, with sperm sample jokes coming thick and fast from the wife and friends.
For some reason everybody seems to relate to the sperm donor scene in road trip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkkjkwXAyl0, funny, but not at all removing any nervous anxiety!!
Anyway, turning up to the hospitals ‘reproductive medicine’ unit I walk to the reception, with it being full of people it is a very quiet me that speaks to the receptionist, who promtly points to the door on the opposite side of the room and announces ‘The sample clinic is through that door’…. Great start.
The clinic is more of a tiny, slightly shabby, white room with another door and a 1ft x 1ft square hatch in the wall that you have to bend over to speak through. Probably the prettiest nurse in the building is on the other side, obviously a midget as she can see through the hatch, and asks for my paperwork and whether I have a sample.
No sample miss nurse, just the paperwork.
A ‘yogurt pot’ appears on the ledge with the request to go through the second door and wait for instruction on the other side. Through the door a smaller room, with yet another door and hatch. The second hatch opens and the instructions were given.
“Please enter the sample room and masturbate into the pot”
Entering the sample room, slightly larger yet just as shabby as the enterance, a sink on the wall, a couple of wipe clean chairs and a small table with a pile of pornographic magazines, immidiatly referred to as the ‘Ejaculation Station’.
At this point I start to laugh, stood there with my pot there was no way of getting the desired results and knowing that the nurses were awaiting my sample and there was at least one more guy waiting for the room there was no pressure what so ever to perform.
I will admit it took a while but against all odds a sample was produced and handed over through the second hatch. Back at the first hatch I was offered the option of producing the next sample in a month either back at the hospital or at home and hastily left the building clutching my second yogurt pot for a use later date. I am sure the other patients in the waiting room were all watching me, knowing what I had just been doing.
Slightly surreal, feeling a little ‘dirty’ but more amused than anything there is no way I am going to repeat that experience. Hopefully the test will come back all good and I dont have to hand in any more samples at all, will have to wait and see.
Tags: clinic, sperm sample, sperm test, success, Vasectomy
May 29, 2008 at 4:59 pm |
[...] back into the reproductive clinic was much better than my last experience and having a sample to hand meant it was just a case of knocking on the midget hatch and handing [...]